No joke, the chief complaints of the previous night.
I have a bruise. Of course, by ambulance.
I have a cold. For 3 whole days. Nyquil just isn't cutting it, but the Tylenol I had in triage cured me.
My doctor saw that I have a hemoglobin of 9.3 (we transfuse in the ICU below 8) and thinks I need an emergent transfusion. I have NO SYMPTOMS. AT ALL. This one was great. I called the doc and they actually suggested I do a rectal exam for an occult GI bleed on a 24 year old woman who was having heavy menstrual periods, even though she had been in her doc's office ONE DAY AGO.
And the really sad one; I'm having weakness in both legs, bowel and bladder incontinence, I can't feel my groin...and it started a week ago. True neurologic emergency. Too late.